Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts
Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts
Monday, September 8, 2014
Day 51: Why Babies throw Tantrums | Parenting & Fairness
It starts off with being limited to moments only, where you’re attending to one of those tasks that require you to ‘put in some extra’ and where you’re really not ‘into’ doing whatever it is that requires to be done, and a negative energetic charge develops within yourself as you carry out whatever it is you have to do.
This momentary reaction, which is like a form of resistance, basically states that ‘I wish that I was doing something else’ or ‘I wish I didn’t have to do this’. These momentary experiences, come and go as you move around your day/night taking care of your baby, where the moment the ‘task’ is done, the experience is gone (or so it seems). However, with this coming and going of this experience and you allowing this experience to keep coming and going and not directing it – it starts to accumulate to an experience where one day you realise that you’re actually not having much fun at all with your new baby and actually are kind of…unhappy.
It’s kind of interesting, because at that stage – you’re not yet actually chronically unhappy. I noticed this myself after working on the point, that I wasn’t actually unhappy, but within allowing such fleeting reactions to accumulate, in that moment that you become more aware of your self-experience - your perception of reality is so skewed/screwed that you think and believe that you’re unhappy *all the time*, and from that moment on you actually start to actively project this experience of unhappiness unto every moment/every task and then in essence bring it to life/make it a reality for yourself which you then start to resonate throughout your day.
Now, within being an adult and having been successfully raised within morality – you know that you shouldn’t be acting on these type of feelings/experiences. Meaning, just because you’re unhappy doesn’t mean that you’re not going to carry out your responsibilities towards your baby because that would be ‘wrong’. Yet, even though we know we won’t be acting upon our experience, we will still stubbornly hold on to it, believing that we are right to experience this way and that what we experience is an accurate reflection of ‘how things are in reality’. Though for children, your baby – it doesn’t matter that you are not acting upon it (well, of course they do benefit from you still carrying out your responsibilities)– they still know how you actually feel, and what it is that you are actually holding within yourself while you interact with them. They can see, and feel that you’re unhappy/not doing what you’d like to be doing – and can in essence, see your ‘inner tantrum’ as the energy you experience within yourself while you carry out that which you do not want to do.
So what your baby learns then and there, is that it’s okay and acceptable to have this energetic experience of being ‘unhappy’ when ‘things are not the way you like’. And even though you may not be acting upon it in those moments, you are still keeping the energy alive which means that you agree with it; and that’s all that a baby needs to know to start copying this pattern and live it out.
One thing that has to be taken into consideration though, is that a baby/child is not ‘innocent’ in that it in its very nature as the result of the acceptances and allowances of the generations who came before – have a tendency to ‘react’ when things don’t go their way. Yet, this behaviour and tendency can very easily be addressed when you’re ‘on it’, and when you do not accept and allow such behaviour within yourself. The tendency then doesn’t have space to develop/grow and the child/baby then learns whatever other example they have been given. It however does mean that the ease with which they will develop and grow this tendency into an actual behavioural pattern = is greater.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Day 09: M-o-t-h-e-r
As I was busy creating this new blog, I also had massive reactions towards the title (Journey to a New Life – An Expecting Mother) – and I almost had a gag reflexes going on as I was typing M-o-t-h-e-r. So the first thing I want to take on in terms of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements is this negative connotation that I had accepted and allowed myself to have attached to both pregnancy/being pregnant and ‘mother’ / ‘motherhood’.
So within this blog I want to have a look at my reactions to the word ‘Mother’ specifically.
When looking at the word ‘Mother’, the first ‘impression’ I get is like a cold vibe – like Mothers are ‘ice queens’. So here there is a definitive negative energetic connotation that dominates the word ‘Mother’. I suddenly remember how my own mom absolutely HATED it when I would call her ‘Mother’. She would have an immediate adverse reaction and say ‘Never call me Mother, I am your Mama!’ lol (and of course I would go and say ‘Mother’ over and over again in a very serious and obedient voice just to piss her off). So this is quite interesting to see how she seemed to have shared that negative association to the word ‘Mother’ – while ‘Mama’ for me has a more positive energetic charge connected to it, and has like a ‘warmish’ vibe in contrast to the ‘cold’ vibe connected to ‘Mother’. So I will flag this point (‘Mama’) to work on later – for now I will only work with ‘Mother’.
After the cold-vibe experience, the next thing that pops up is the word Morality. This word also has a picture connected to it, which kind of looks like the ‘Morality’ card within the Osho Zen Tarot Card Deck – though my version is more ice-queenish and the woman is holding a long sword down, giving the image that extra dual symmetry emphasis. Here I see the point of ‘Mother’ as being the one who decides ‘what is right’ and ‘what is wrong’ – ‘what is good’ and ‘what is bad’ and ‘how things are done’. This I also link to ‘Principles’, in terms of the Mother being the one who provides the child with principles/guidelines to live by in this world – but again in my case, I have attached a negative energetic charge to the point.
At this point it is quite clear that when I am looking at the word ‘Mother’ I am not just ‘looking at the word’, but really actually looking at my relationship that I created towards my mother and how I experienced her. So in a way the next few blogs will be me deconstructing my relationship with/towards my mother – so that I can reconstruct a definition for the word Mother that I am cool to live by.
Back to Mother associations.
Next what comes up is my mom’s face. It’s is a caring face but it is also a fearful face. Her wrinkles are very defined, making her look tired and it looks like she may have been crying. The ‘undertone’ of the image is overall fear, like motherhood is living in fear.
During my overall process, I have worked with many points of fear and often when I start working on them, I am clueless with regards to their origin. It’s like I have this fear but I don’t know how it got here / where it came from. After writing and investigating, I have found that most times the fear was carried over from my mother. I never realized how much fear-based my relationship was with my mother while we were living together. It was never explicitly expressed, but like a shadow that was always lurking around in every situation. Only now, after the fact and looking back, do I see how much fear played a role in our relationship and to what extent it influenced and shaped our relationship.
Will continue with this association exercise within the next blog
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Day 08: My Body is now My Own – Part 3
This blog is a continuation toWhen and as I see myself change my experience/mood according to how I feel physically – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that there is no point to further perpetuate a physical imbalance by adding a mental imbalance on top of it and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and disengage my participation within the energy involved
When and as I see myself react to nausea and/or stomach sensitivity within thinking ‘Oh no, not again’ or ‘Here we go again’ and within that moment feel myself ‘drop lower’ inside myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am only making things worse for myself by adding an additional mental layer to an already unpleasant experience which does not need to be more unpleasant than what it already is and so I commit myself to snap myself out of this thought pattern and take a deep breath to assist and support myself in grounding myself in my human physical body
When and as I see myself access a feeling of ‘diminishment’ paired to a reduction in my capacity – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I do not have to experience myself within this negative energetic charge and that I can simply adjust and make due within the new situation without attaching anything to it which is what I commit myself to
When and as I see myself access a negative energetic experience of self-pity within having to take my bodies processes into account more and create a negative experience around it within a point of “I have no choice” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am dramatizing the situation and so I commit myself to remind myself that there were many points of ‘no choice’ before I was experiencing myself like this within human physical body and so I stop the energetic charge and ground myself within and as my human physical body
When and as I see myself react within self-pity when being confronted to a limited choice of food things to eat or things I can do – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I need to simply take these points into account without creating anything about it and so I commit myself to remind myself that I don’t go and pity myself each time I have to go to the toilet which is also a point of ‘no choice’ and so I ground myself within and as my human physical body in breath
When and as I see myself experience myself as ‘less’ and ‘diminished’ within being more restricted in what I can do and end up feeling ‘useless’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I have created a necessary connection between what someone ‘can do’ and what a person is ‘worth’ as part of the capitalistic system we have accepted and allowed to direct our living in this world, where people are valued by what they can do instead of who they are as life and so I commit myself to stop and disengage from this energy/thought pattern as I see and realize what I am participating in / supporting within maintaining this pattern
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Day 05: Pregnancy is not for Me - Part 2
When and as I see myself connect/link ‘pregnancy’ to ‘ burden’/ ‘bad’ / ‘undesirable news’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from an automated response pattern and so I commit myself to disengage the pattern through non-participation
When and as I see myself connect/link ‘pregnancy’ to ‘bad thing’ and ‘shameful’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from an automated response pattern and so I commit myself to disengage the pattern through non-participation
When and as I see myself react within fear and anxiety when being faced with a setting where someone has ’ bad news’ and another immediately interprets this as ‘she must be pregnant’ – I stop and I breathe and I commit myself to ground myself into and as my human physical body and let go of the fear as this is not a connection I want to live by
When and as I see myself go into a down/negative energetic experience within seeing the possibility of being pregnant -- where I believe that this is the ‘appropriate response’ to such a possibility – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I haven’t actually investigated for myself where I stand in relation to pregnancy but instead just went with an automated response pattern that was in store and so I commit myself to establish ‘who I am’ in relation to pregnancy on my terms from a starting point of principle instead of reaction
When and as I see myself blindly participating within the construct of “pregnancy is bad” without having a reasonable explanation for it, but merely following a ‘feeling’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am following a pre-programmed response pattern and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and be the directive principle within letting go of this energy and investigating the pattern within self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements
When and as I see myself react to me being pregnant / my pregnancy from the starting point of ‘I can’t believe I am pregnant’ and ‘this is not who I am’ and ‘this should not have happened to me’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these were statements/beliefs made from a starting point of personality rather than practical common sense consideration and realism and so I commit myself to let go and use this opportunity to investigate the ideas and beliefs I have created about myself and about pregnancy / people who have kids as this again reflects on my idea of myself as this not ‘fitting in’ with me
When and as I see myself go into fear, anxiety and confusion when being faced with a point that I have not yet investigated for myself and who I am in relation to the point – such as being pregnant – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is no point freaking out about it as this is in no way going to change the situation and so I commit myself to simply investigate / establish myself in relation to the point so I may now give it and myself direction
Monday, March 25, 2013
Day 04: Pregnancy is not for Me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a negative connotation to the possibility of pregnancy through a process of conditioning within repeatedly being faced with movies wherein a female becomes pregnant or may possibly be pregnant and this is portrayed as “bad news” within the female either freaking out or when faced with family, the family being disappointed and non-supportive -- sending a clear message of ‘pregnancy is not welcome’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have linked “pregnancy” to “burden” within having defined pregnancy as “bad” and “undesirable news”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a definition and thus experience around pregnancy/being pregnant, based on the signals/inputs from my environment where on tv/media, pregnancy is often portrayed as a “bad thing” or something to be “shameful” about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have instilled fear of pregnancy within me when seeing scenes where someone has ‘bad news’ and it is immediately assumed that “oh no, she’s pregnant”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have immediately gone into a down/negative energetic experience within seeing the possibility of being pregnant -- where I believed that this is the ‘appropriate response’ to such a possibility -- without actually having investigated for myself where I stand in relation to pregnancy but instead just went with an automated response pattern that was in store because I had not yet moved myself to direct this point within and for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blindly participated within the construct of “pregnancy is bad” without having a reasonable explanation for it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about myself which did not include “pregnancy” / “being pregnant”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea and belief that “pregnancy would never happen to me”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used this idea as “I’m never going to be pregnant” as an excuse/justification as to not investigate/explore the point but simply ignore it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into fear and anxiety simply because I had not yet investigated the notion of pregnancy in relation to the idea I had created about myself and now that I was faced with this “impossibility” I did not know how to deal/cope and so went into fear/anxiety
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have unnecessarily tortured myself simply because of pre-conceived ideas about pregnancy and myself
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