Monday, September 8, 2014

Day 51: Why Babies throw Tantrums | Parenting & Fairness

In my previous blog, I laid out how it can be easy to experience yourself being/going into extreme levels of emotions/thoughts/reactions within being faced with the rigors of taking care of a baby, and how this then shapes ‘who you are’ in every moment, whether you are conscious of it or not.

It starts off with being limited to moments only, where you’re attending to one of those tasks that require you to ‘put in some extra’ and where you’re really not ‘into’ doing whatever it is that requires to be done, and a negative energetic charge develops within yourself as you carry out whatever it is you have to do.

This momentary reaction, which is like a form of resistance, basically states that ‘I wish that I was doing something else’ or ‘I wish I didn’t have to do this’. These momentary experiences, come and go as you move around your day/night taking care of your baby, where the moment the ‘task’ is done, the experience is gone (or so it seems). However, with this coming and going of this experience and you allowing this experience to keep coming and going and not directing it – it starts to accumulate to an experience where one day you realise that you’re actually not having much fun at all with your new baby and actually are kind of…unhappy.

It’s kind of interesting, because at that stage – you’re not yet actually chronically unhappy. I noticed this myself after working on the point, that I wasn’t actually unhappy, but within allowing such fleeting reactions to accumulate, in that moment that you become more aware of your self-experience - your perception of reality is so skewed/screwed that you think and believe that you’re unhappy *all the time*, and from that moment on you actually start to actively project this experience of unhappiness unto every moment/every task and then in essence bring it to life/make it a reality for yourself which you then start to resonate throughout your day.

Now, within being an adult and having been successfully raised within morality – you know that you shouldn’t be acting on these type of feelings/experiences. Meaning, just because you’re unhappy doesn’t mean that you’re not going to carry out your responsibilities towards your baby because that would be ‘wrong’. Yet, even though we know we won’t be acting upon our experience, we will still stubbornly hold on to it, believing that we are right to experience this way and that what we experience is an accurate reflection of ‘how things are in reality’. Though for children, your baby – it doesn’t matter that you are not acting upon it (well, of course they do benefit from you still carrying out your responsibilities)– they still know how you actually feel, and what it is that you are actually holding within yourself while you interact with them. They can see, and feel that you’re unhappy/not doing what you’d like to be doing – and can in essence, see your ‘inner tantrum’ as the energy you experience within yourself while you carry out that which you do not want to do.

So what your baby learns then and there, is that it’s okay and acceptable to have this energetic experience of being ‘unhappy’ when ‘things are not the way you like’. And even though you may not be acting upon it in those moments, you are still keeping the energy alive which means that you agree with it; and that’s all that a baby needs to know to start copying this pattern and live it out.

One thing that has to be taken into consideration though, is that a baby/child is not ‘innocent’ in that it in its very nature as the result of the acceptances and allowances of the generations who came before – have a tendency to ‘react’ when things don’t go their way. Yet, this behaviour and tendency can very easily be addressed when you’re ‘on it’, and when you do not accept and allow such behaviour within yourself. The tendency then doesn’t have space to develop/grow and the child/baby then learns whatever other example they have been given. It however does mean that the ease with which they will develop and grow this tendency into an actual behavioural pattern = is greater.

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