Saturday, August 30, 2014

Day 50: Going the Extra Mile | Parenting & Fairness

In my last blog I established how having a baby in your world is an ‘out of the ordinary’ experience. Your world gets thrown upside down and you spend your every moment taking care of another.

This is intense, and something most people I would say, are not used to – and this goes on for quite some time (a few months in such a routine pretty much feels like forever). Things in my reality were hectic, in terms of my body recuperating from pregnancy, birth and getting used to breastfeeding and then spending every moment either tending to the baby or sleeping. Additionally, I was limited to living in my rocking chair, bed and diaper space with the occasional 2 min trip to the bathroom for my potty break. I would eat while breastfeeding and sometimes my partner had to feed me while I was feeding the baby lol.

So my whole reality was just the baby and I in our room – there was not much to my life. So when I would have a reaction, thought, emotion/feeling that would come up – it was very overwhelming and prominent. I didn’t have all that much going on in terms of just repeating the same tasks in the same room over and over – and so any point that triggered a reaction, my mind was ON it and exploiting the opportunity to get some energy going. So even the slightest point would become an intense experience – and with either being busy with the baby or sleeping, the experience would be in my face and start affecting me in every moment with everything that I do, where the slightest negative reaction for instance would have me soon down in tears. Because you’re just busy and busy and busy and then there’s this experience the whole time that just doesn’t go away and since the reaction got triggered in your direct environment which is with/around your baby and you don’t get a change of scenery that can distract you or where other points get triggered – whatever triggered the reaction / is the source point of the reaction also remains ‘in your face’ (whether you’re conscious of it or not) and unless you take the reaction on right then and there – things just get worse or you find ways to suppress it.

So here, I had to work with taking reactions out asap – where during breastfeeding/resting I would apply Self Forgiveness out loud and sound my commitment statements to stabilise myself and who I was in relation to having a baby/taking care of a baby.

The main point I faced here, was that even though taking care of a baby is intense, extreme and challenging – it doesn’t mean that I have to react to the design of the situation in an energetic equivalent way. Meaning, it’s not because a situation is out of the ordinary that you’re entitled to experience yourself energetically out of the ordinary. Where for instance, after having x amount of sleepless nights and your body still being in pain from the pregnancy/birth process, that it is okay to now go and ‘feel depressed’ and really sulk about the situation you’re in – because it’s not ‘about you’, what is happening is not personal – it’s just a bad design. In the same line, you’re also not entitled to ‘feel good’ or be all ‘chuffed’ about yourself for ‘doing all these extreme things’/living this ‘extreme lifestyle’ for a moment – because again, it’s not about you – it’s just the design of the situation. Where in essence, you ‘going the extra-mile’ – where you’re doing something you otherwise would not have done – becomes personal, where you either victimize yourself or glorify yourself within ‘going the extra-mile’. While, there isn’t anything ‘good’ or ‘bad’ about having to go the extra mile, when this is what is required to be done/walked. If this is what needs to be done, well, then you just do it, and then that’s the end of the story. And taking care of a Baby, is definitely a situation of ‘going the extra mile’ – all the time. But because we’re not used to ‘going for the extra mile’ or stepping way out of our comfort zone – we make it something ‘special’ and this special then translates into either a negative or positive experience (or both really).

Now, the reason why it is so important to take these type of reactions out as soon as possible, is because it is very easy for the mind to start creating a link/relationship from the negative/positive experience as a reaction to the unfortunate nature of the situation you’re in as the physically challenging task of taking care of a new-born -- to your new-born specifically. Where instead of seeing/realising that what you are going through is just because of the general design of things, one starts to tie what one is going through, to your baby personally, where it is your baby who is personally responsible for how the situation is set up (which is when you look at it – quite ludicrous, because I’m pretty sure that if any baby had the choice they’d skip the new-born/baby phase and get straight to walking and talking as the toddler-phase. In the end, your baby is just as much of a victim/hero as you are in the design of things). So what happens then is that in your mind, = your baby is the reason for your sleepless nights, your baby is the reason for your burnout, your baby is the reason why your body aches – where you basically start holding your baby personally accountable for everything that is happening to and within you.

These reactions, then start framing ‘who you are’ in relation to taking care of your baby, in relation to ‘going the extra mile’ that goes with taking care of a baby. And while your baby may only be an infant that can’t do much more than lying on its back, eating, crying and sleeping – the energetic experience you hold within yourself as you are going about your baby-tending, resonates and imprint unto the baby. And while they are pretty helpless while you’re going through this experience and thus can’t ‘act’ on it – it still affects them, and will show its consequential face later in their life.

 To be continued

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