Day 75: The Desire for Picture-Perfect Family & The Rise of Children as Accessories
Throughout my whole life, no-one every shared with me the true nature or the ‘raw deal’ of what is actually involved in having a family of your own and the challenges you face. At the same time, in how the world is moving – the true nature of parenting is getting forgotten as we all have been led to belief that life is about working and consuming. This means that being a parent and raising your own child isn’t a “thing” anymore, as we spend the majority of the time working while someone else looks after the children (whether a nanny or at school – schools end up being convenient day-care centres).
We are also not trained our taught to value and appreciate parenting, what is involved in child care, the challenges one will face, the sacrifices that need to be made. For many, there is this ‘idea’ of parenting and the ‘idea’ of having a family of one’s own. A picture created in your mind that makes you feel happy thinking of ‘what could be’. Then, a child becomes a reality and your whole world comes crashing down as you have no practical tools whatsoever to direct yourself, so let alone direct a child. With society and the entertainment industry bombarding us with the ‘Me-Me-Me’-ideology – where everything is about what YOU WANT and YOUR FREEDOM; it’s easy to just ‘give up’ on actual parenting and instead embrace the Me-Me ideology where you get to do what you want while having your children ‘in check’ whilst allowing them to play out their own Me-Me-Me-Ideology..
This is something I have been observing more and more, where an idea was created about ‘what it is like to have a family’ and then one it becomes a reality – it all just becomes about ‘managing’ it, about surviving it and waiting for ‘things to get better’.
When we think of having a family of our own, we think of the happy moments, the moments you share a laugh, baby’s first steps, birthdays, baby saying ‘mommy’ and all the other events that are interpreted to signify ‘love’. These moments as images however, are fleeting moments. They happen once in a while and then it’s over. So what about the rest of the time? The rest is spent supervising, cleaning, playing, participating and directing your child. I’m not saying that it’s not ‘fun’ – but it is nothing like the nice energetic feeling that gets brought up when we *think* about having a child/baby of our own. The main point is that you need to be available to your child in every moment. It takes focus, discipline, assertiveness, gentleness, understanding and everlasting patience to do this effectively. These words, are not easy to live – they do not come natural to most and are not values which are taught and transferred effectively in this day and age. Every day, every moment you need to force yourself, your beingness to change and move in a way that supports your child, even though it completely clashes with the life you used to have or the preferences you hold. Parenting is a full time job – and with fulltime I don’t mean from 9 to 5 – I literally mean *full time* as in the full 24 hours (ok, maybe you will get a few hours of sleep ;-)). So to every day face and walk something that goes against every grain of your being as the nature of self-interest – it can be quite daunting. Also consider that: there are no take-backs lol. Once you have a child, you have a child and this other person will be intrinsically interconnected and interwoven in your daily life for the next 18 years. That’s a huge commitment.
Not many manage to find it within themselves to completely dedicate themselves to their children and nurturing them to their utmost potential. Instead, babies and children become accessories. Much like having a pet – where people get a pet like a dog because they like the idea of it – but then end up spending minimal time with the dog in a way that supports the dog’s living experience, and become ‘just another chore’ that needs to be taken care of.
The child or children need to fit in to their schedule. They need to behave in a way that I like. They need to pursue things in life that I approve of, that fits with how I want to be perceived, that will add to my status. They will take credit when the child receives a compliment, but blame the child when negative feedback is received.
Children don’t fit into little boxes however, and tend to retaliate and throw tantrums to express their discontent. This then only feeds more fuel to the fire, where the parents will try and fit them into boxes of rules and conditions even more – and use this ‘despicable behaviour’ as an excuse as to why they need a break from their children, and why they deserve time for themselves and the things they like. Then it’s even more okay to hire a full-time caretaker, send them to boarding school, and immerse yourself into work and/or your social life.
This in turn, creates a pressure on the child as the child is experiencing a lack of freedom, a lack in the ability to express themselves which then overtime turns into an obsession and compulsion of ‘doing what I want’ – turning out just like the parents.
So while you may want a child or family with the best intentions, with having the ‘perfect family moments’ at heart – you end up with a deeply unsatisfied life and children who can’t wait to get away from their parents.
Having a child and starting a family is a serious consideration and not a decision to be made on a whim. Spend some time with families, talk to parents, spend time with children and see if this is something you truly want – or see yourself being able to change into wanting and living it. Having a child is a decision that affects a lifetime – not only yours, but also that of your child.
Day 39: The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle
1. Realising and living my utmost potential
2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all
3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others
5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well
7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others
8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own
9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me
10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE
11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone
12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today
13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves
14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one
15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.
16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come
17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth
18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.
19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath
20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me
21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without
22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth
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