Friday, March 28, 2014

Day 37: The Best way to Keep you Child Happy

distract child tantrum trick While Cesar had regular episodes of silent reflux, I did some research into the conventional medication that gets prescribed as treatment for the reflux. The more and more I read, it became clear to me that these treatments would often reduce the discomfort of the reflux but cause other problems down the line. As I was reading around, I found an article of a pediatrician who had written an article directed towards parents who decided not to give their babies conventional medicine to treat their reflux.

This pediatrician was trying to show how ‘wrong’ these parents are, by referring to Human Rights, where each one has got ‘the right to Happiness’, and that this includes children as well.

Declining allopathic treatment of acid reflux to relieve the child of the pain that is coupled to it, was in her eyes immoral and abusive. By denying your child this medicine, you are robbing them from their happiness, which you have no right to do. For her, no crying meant a happy baby, and this was something the medicine could do. What the medicine does however, is only alleviate the symptoms of an underlying issue, where once the symptoms are ‘resolved’ – the problem has apparently been ‘cured’. All that’s being done however is the body’s signals being suppressed so that on the outside ‘all seems fine’ while on the inside, the body is still strained and struggling.

By equating ‘no crying’ with ‘happiness’ and ‘happy baby’, one is only dealing with a superficial definition of happiness and well-being. Just because everything seems fine on the outside (at that point in time) does not mean actual well-being for the child or baby. Many of these medicines for reflux are known to cause digestive problems down the line, so even though you have a ‘happy baby’ which is not crying, you are creating consequences down the line and compromising the body to maintain one’s idea of happiness.

This ‘no crying = happy’ approach seems to stick its head up outside of the medical field and into the general parenting field as well. When the child is in pain, uncomfortable, impatient, throwing a tantrum, … -- many parents will do whatever comes up in the moment that they think will ‘distract’ the child from what is going on, and try to engineer a smile on their little ones as soon as possible. Yes, the child is now happy and not crying, whining or throwing its tantrum anymore – it does look like the issue is resolved!

When this response-pattern occurs over and over, you condition and compromise the child’s response-ability. Whenever there is an internal disturbance, the child will reach for something in the external environment/world to curb the disturbance and replace it with a positive experience. Within this approach, the cause of the actual inner disturbance is not addressed, but suppressed so that from the outside = everything looks fine again. It is quite a tempting tactic, as you have a quick-fix in place. But again, just like the medicine merely suppressing the symptoms and causing long-term consequences, this parenting approach also has long-term effects. The child becomes more and more resilient to whatever the parent comes up with to paint a smile, and will have to go to greater and greater lengths to keep the child happy. The longer this pattern plays out, the more disconnected the child becomes from his or her own inner reality and the more the child will focus on the external reality to manage its experiences. Even though you have found yourself a ‘quick-fix’, the problem is that you have to keep ‘fixing it’ – it’s not a permanent solution.

By always providing external stimulation to distract a child from inner rifts, the child does not get the space and time to see how this rift was coming from within self and thus was created by self. By always providing external stimulation, the child learns that they key to happiness lies around him or her, and he/she must just find the right point of stimulation to alter how they experience themselves. The child then in essence becomes unable to ‘regulate its own happiness’ and becomes a slave to external stimuli that define how he or she experiences him/herself.

Instead, if we teach our children to reflect for a moment on what is going on, and show the child that it is able to direct its own self-experience – we open a door to self-intimacy, self-response-ability, and self-empowerment. Instead of having to distract the child each and every time there’s the slightest discomfort, the child learns how the direct him/herself and which in the end makes the parent’s job easier as well, as the child learns to direct him/herself and in time won’t need the parent’s guidance/direction. This doesn’t mean that the parents will never intervene, but that there are points/steps to take into consideration before you for instance pick up your child to comfort him/her.

A shift of starting points takes place, where currently a lot of parents intervene and pick up/comfort/soothe/distract their child so that they will stop crying/whining/throwing tantrum – the focus being on the ‘stopping’ of the “negative expression” – the focus now changes to ‘how can I best assist and support my child in learning how to direct her/his inner world’. You might not immediately get a ‘happy child’ and they might go into great resistance and great patience will be required of the parent, because as we know from ourselves, self-change does not come easy. And since we as parents stand as examples to our children, whether we like it or not, it’s in our best interest to get a grip on our own inner reality and become effective at directing ourselves when we are faced with feeling/emotion turmoil so that we can live and teach by example. If you teach your child this way, you will actually have a ‘happy’ child, as you are showing them what actual well-being means and how they are able to harmonize themselves rather than chasing the next best distraction that will generate a positive experience inside themselves (which is how we create good consumers!).

Friday, March 7, 2014

Day 36: To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate?

Before I started the Desteni Process, I was on a path of Spirituality and Conspiracy. I had read and heard a lot of things about vaccinations. I had gotten a lot of vaccinations myself when I was a child and apart from a sore arm, I don’t remember any particular ‘bad’ experiences with vaccinations.

So on the one hand – I had my own experience with vaccinations, which wasn’t particularly bad and on the other hand there was all this information I was carrying around based on what I had heard and read which did make vaccinations look bad. So now I was faced with a conundrum because my experience did not match the information.

Even though I was not aware of any ‘side-effects’ – I do not know how the vaccinations interacted on a biochemistry level within my physical body, nor was I aware whether or not any of the vaccinations had been effective as this is kind of hard to measure. I also knew that some of the information I had come across may not have been very reliable.

We were getting closer to the point where Cesar would get his first range of vaccinations and I didn’t know what to do. So, experience and knowledge and information aside – I decided to take a common sensical approach.

Bernard once said: “If something happens from vaccinations, you'll be unhappy - if you don't vaccinate and something happen, you'll be unhappy.”

First I started with investigating the diseases linked to the vaccinations that were listed in his little health booklet. This way, I learnt what the virus/disease was about, how one contracts it, how severe it can be and how it is generally treated etc. simply to check whether it was even worthwhile considering getting a vaccination for that particular virus. What I found for instance, was that some of the vaccinations on there was simply within the consideration that a lot of children grow up in rural areas within a less-than-adequate hygienic environment and also an environment where it would be hard to provide the rest, nutrition and care that sick child may need; a situation where a mild disease can turn out to be rather devastating. So within considering that we do not live within such conditions, I could already scrap those vaccinations of my list.

After I had informed myself on the viruses/diseases I went and investigated vaccination acquired immunity versus naturally acquired immunization. Here, I went for down to earth research and information about vaccinations and stayed away from anything ‘conspiracy theory’ like.

What became clear is that the effectiveness of vaccines and their ingredients is questionable for sure – and that naturally acquired immunization is a lot more effective. So then it became a point of looking at ‘weighing out the risks’ – in terms of what possible effects a disease could have vs the possible side effects of the vaccination.

Where I initially was in quite a ruckus within myself because I really did not know what to do, and I didn’t just want to make a decision based on the recommendation of my pediatrician (as in get all the vaccinations) but also did not want to make a decision based on a fear coming from the knowledge and information I had accumulated over the years (get no vaccination at all) – I was now able to make an informed decision and was comfortable and confident with the decision I made.

I found the National Vaccine Information Center website very useful in terms of getting information about vaccinations, as well as this interview between Dr. Mercola and Dr. Palevsky which I find gives a very easy and down to earth explanation and insight into this controversial subject.

In South Africa you can decide whether or not to vaccinate your child and you need to sign a consent form. So obviously you’d need to take into consideration the local laws you are faced with and what possible steps you’d need to take if you want to be exempt from having to get your child vaccinated.

If you do opt to give one/various vaccinations to your child – I would strongly suggest to give homeopathic support to help support the body to stabilize itself after receiving a vaccination, as it is quite hectic to the body and minimize side-effects since they haven’t been designed within the consideration of what is best for all.

There’s also the facet of the Mind to consider within vaccinations, which will be covered in one of the future Parenting interviews on EQAFE.

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