Journey to a New Life

 In some of my previous blogs (Day 60 , Day 61) I wrote about how comparing yourself and your responsibilities to that of another, specifically the father of your child – can be a source of inner conflict within self.

Because being a mother is a very specific role, you cannot compare it to being a father – and even more so if you as the mother are the primary caretaker of the child while the father is primarily the breadwinner. You’re both looking after your child(ren), but in different ways. The mother through a one-on-one direct approach, the father through creating financial stability to ensure a proper environment for the children/family to live and grow up in.

Another point which I identified within this framework of ‘fairness’ and ‘comparison’ (well, they’re really one framework, comparison always precedes fairness) is that of ‘fear of missing out’.

Having children/a family can be a stressful situation. Especially if not so long ago it was just you and your partner, there were fewer responsibilities and fewer financial pressure. When a child enters reality, both these aspects grow exponentially. Suddenly you are overrun with things to do in relation to your child, and your spending pattern suddenly takes a surge. What I found here is that in essence your ‘survival mode’ knob gets switched up a bit higher, and both mother and father are more tensed.

Then, when there is a moment during the day where both parents can relax / take some time off from one’s responsibilities and ‘switch out’ from survival mode; both parents will tend to want to ‘hold on’ to that time/moment. If then your child suddenly needs attention, obviously one of the parents needs to attend to the child and step away from one’s relax/fun time. And here something interesting happens, where neither of the parents want to go and stand as the point of support for the child, because both parents believe/perceive that they are entitled to their own ‘time off’ and that it is ‘the other’ who should go and stand as the point. This is even more so, if you are still holding on to comparisons between yourself and your partner, where you’ve still been comparing your responsibilities to that of your partner and believe that you got the short end of the stick and that within you ‘suffering more’, your partner should now go and you should be allowed to stay in your ‘off time’. Within this fairness point playing out, there is also a fear that if one goes and tend to the child, that there is a chance your partner was more rested/more up to it than you are and so ‘more suitable’ to go tend to the child than you are, where you fear that your partner is now enjoying himself ‘unduly’ – time that *you* could have been spending enjoying yourself in some time off. So with this added dimension, where you fear you are being taken advantage of – you will resist tending to your child not because you’re not physically up for it, but because you don’t want your partner to ‘cash in’ on your actions; where there’s now this whole mental competition game playing out between the two parties involved, where each one will be reluctant to do what needs to be done because each one is suspicious of one another and fear missing out.

This then opens the door for strange behaviour such as insisting that ‘both go’ so that ‘both miss out’, believing that this creates a more ‘equal scenario’, whilst this only satisfies one’s fairness construct. Or the opposite where one insist on making plans where both can have ‘off time’, not because you necessarily want to spend time together, but because you don’t want to experience yourself as ‘missing out’.

To be continued…

This is a continuation to:
Day 38: Introduction | Motherhood Paranoia
Day 41: The Innocence of One Little Tiny Thought | Motherhood Paranoia
Day 42: Losing Touch with Reality, Losing Touch with your Child | Motherhood Paranoia
Day 43: And the Race Begins! | Motherhood Paranoia
Day 44: Sins of the Fathers and Mission of the Mothers | Motherhood Paranoia
Day 45: Wanting to be Right | Motherhood Paranoia 

So now, we have this design running where we have to keep procreating, and we women have this design running where we think we know how to run this procreation thing and raise respectable human beings – which by the looks of how this world is being ran: is obviously a joke; nothing can more clearly say *you are wrong* and *you don’t know how to raise a human being* when looking at the absolute vicious, cruel, degrading conditions this world is kept in.

So why are we still doing this?

Why are we still having children?

Everything is survival based – whether you are rich or whether you are poor. If you are poor, you are lost in the survival for physical subsistence, and if you’re rich you get lost in the clutches of your own mind, mental illness is everywhere in first world countries.

Everyone’s lives pretty much suck, yet we keep having children and passing down the consequences of our recklessness to them and their generations to come. Things aren’t getting better – so why?

If there was no way out of this, and things would just continue as is: I would not have children.

But there is a way out of this, and the way out of it is ‘out of us’, out of our accepted and allowed human nature. To change it, align it – to one that acts according to what’s Best for All. To teach this principle to our children, to lead them by example; to show them that there is another way, that we can have Heaven on Earth.

Otherwise, what’s the point? Is it so that we can for a short moment during our lives be happy about the idea that ‘I had a family’? So that they can live through more wars to come? So that they can grow up to become irresponsible adults who hasten the Earth’s demise? So that they can live their lives locked up in their own homes, in fear of their own neighbours? So they can enjoy our polluted air and withering nature? So that they can have their own children who will have to endure even worse conditions?

We have to admit, that we’ve failed, we FAILED BIG TIME in the parenting department. It’s time to face the facts; let go of righteousness, to forgive and to correct. So that we don’t just ‘reproduce’ ourselves, we already know where that leads and it’s a disaster – but to truly procreate – to truly bring forth something new, something worthwhile.

The tools are available

http://desteniiprocess.com/
http://desteni.org/
http://lite.desteniiprocess.com 
http://livingincome.me/
https://eqafe.com/

  

Continuing from my previous blog: Day 43: And the Race Begins! | Motherhood Paranoia

In my previous blog I described how I came to a point within myself where I saw myself participating within a point of competition, wherein I saw how I was using the reference of developmental milestones not just as a frame for his own personal development, but also used it to get an idea where my baby is at ‘in the greater race’ of babies, where I as a mother wanted to know how advantaged/normal/disadvantaged my child was compared to his peers, so that I could be ‘reassured’ that he has what it takes to survive in this world.

Once I got through this point, I saw another point emerge. Where it was not just about ‘my baby winning the race’/’my baby having what it takes’ – but where this strange sense of ‘responsibility’ and ‘duty’ started creeping in within the greater context of ‘generational lines’ and ‘ancestry’ – where, your mother had gotten you this far; in raising you and being set up in a situation where you can have your own child; just as her mother did before her. So that when you look back into your own personal history and lineage; there’s been all these thousands of mothers before you who had been successful in raising their offspring and getting them to a point of survival far enough to have children of their own; where you are now the ‘last’ one of the lineage and where you are now supposed to be just as successful as they have been.

Again – it’s not like I was consciously thinking things like “Oh, I have to make sure I carry on the bloodline of my ancestors and fulfil my duty just like my ancestors before meeee” or anything like that. There was just a slight, odd sense of ‘duty’ that I had noticed and when I went and investigated; this whole pot of worms opened up.

Now, this also bring me to my next point, which is how I see that this whole ‘offspring bearing’ point of importance is connected and linked to the whole Female’s Ego Design.

There’s already this notion and perception of women that they always want to be ‘right’. Especially if you put two females together and they disagree, it’s quite known that things can get ‘heated’ or that things get ‘bitchy’ lol. While I’ve been reading around in books, magazines and on discussion boards online within the context of mothers with babies – this point of righteousness is very much ‘in your face’. Once they’ve made up their mind about something; there’s no point debating it.

So now that I had seen how this point that I have been walking in my blogs unfolded, it made total sense as to ‘how’ and ‘why’ females tend to be so into ‘wanting to be right’.