Journey to a New Life

Just when we thought that the worst had passed within gotten to a point where the reflux was now under control within having stabilized his body with homeopathic treatment and having removed diary from diet – colic came knocking down our door. This was around 6-8 weeks.

Colic is a word you hear and read a lot about when you have a baby, yet at the same time it’s one of the vaguest concepts out there in baby world.

Here’s a somewhat ‘official’ definition of colic to illustrate my point:

‘episodes of crying for more than three hours a day for more than three days a week for three weeks in an otherwise healthy child between the ages of two weeks and four months’

So now that the reflux set itself aside, Cesar suddenly started crying for hours on end. In the first few weeks of his life, he didn’t cry much. He only cried when he was hungry or was a bit uncomfortable in terms of how his body was positioned but otherwise he was a quiet baby. So for him to suddenly start crying hours on end to no relief was quite odd.

When he would start these crying sessions I would just hold him and walk him as this seemed to assist him to gain some stability. After an hour or so of carrying and rocking him, I would hand him over to Gian, Maite or LJ – and so we would take shifts carrying him and holding him until he would fall asleep.

During this time, there would be days that he would not sleep during the day but then be knocked out at night. The one time he even slept for only 6-7 hours in a 24 hour period, where he had one 3 hour stretch and then a bunch of 20-30 min catnaps.

Nighttime was my research time, when I would breastfeed him, I would do research on the internet on my tablet which just fit next to him on the breastfeeding pillow and inform myself on all there is to know about babies and reading up on other parents’ experiences. Looking at how Cesar had been behaving and the research I had done, I decided that I wanted to try giving him probiotics to assist with his digestive system which was still busy kick-starting. After about three days of giving him probiotics suitable for babies, the extensive crying sessions ceased and he seemed a lot more comfortable within his body and we haven’t had such crying sessions since.

It’s quite interesting to see how doctors give things names without really having a clue what it exactly entails. They just label some behavior with a particular name without having any idea what the cause is and what correction needs to take place. In terms of the colic point it’s pretty stupid, because I mean, the only way babies can communicate in the early stages is through crying – and when they’re in a lot of pain and discomfort, well all they can do is cry a lot to express this / let it out. So when you are told that ‘your baby has colic/is colicky’, you’re basically just being told “oh your baby cries a lot and we don’t know why”.

From what I have read up on, different babies display colicky behavior for different reasons – and it’s quite a story to pinpoint exactly what the point is which needs to be addressed and re-aligned.

I think we’ve just come up with the name ‘colic’ so that we can give behavior that we cannot explain a name, to make it seem as if we can explain it. So that when you don’t know what the hell is going on with your baby and he is crying a lot, you can just tell yourself that ‘oh he is colic’ and not feel completely ‘out of control’ so to speak. And I mean, labeling excessive crying behavior with a name as if it’s some medical condition – and then saying that you don’t know where it comes from or what to do about it – immediately gives a message to parents that they don’t need to look further or investigate this behavior because: we already know there’s nothing you can do about it.

It keeps amazing me how little we really know about babies and their development. I thought, you know, living in 2014 and all – that after centuries and centuries of baby rearing as one of the most basic activities there is within the context of the family unit being the cornerstone of society – that we’d be pretty baby savvy. But nope – almost every single point I look up, whether it’s a behavior point such as the colic or a physical point such as say cradle cap – the answer is ‘we don’t know – but we think it might be so and so’. And that sentence just keeps popping up over and over ‘we don’t know’ followed by an opinion and then making it seem like that opinion is fact.

During the first weeks, maybe even first two months – all I did was reading up on things, because it was clear that there was no consensus whatsoever on anything. What was clear however, was that there were definitive ‘camps’ – where you had particular parenting styles / opinions that were very prominent, and that depending on who you are talking to and what ‘camp’ they’re from – you’ll get a different answer, one that fits in with their parenting beliefs. And it kind of sucks, because when you go see a professional like say a pediatrician – you trust their assessment because you believe that their recommendations are based on their medical expertise and they act like it too – while actually they’re coming from their own belief systems. Whenever we would go for our check up with Cesar, I’d listen and consider what the pediatrician was saying but made sure to cross-reference with other sources and then decide whether or not to follow up on her advice/prescriptions or not.

So even though we live in the Age of Information, we actually don’t know shit.

In my previous blog I ended off with saying that I would be writing about the sleeping aspect of babyhood and my body’s sensitivity to mind activity. But first, I would like to make a side-note on a point of much debate which is ‘breastfeeding vs. formula-feeding’.

My previous post was about breastfeeding and my experience with breastfeeding but this should in no way be interpreted in me advocating breastfeeding in contrast to formula-feeding.

Both have their strong points and depending on what situation you find yourself in the one might be a better option than the other. I am in a position where I can and want to breastfeed but I easily could have been in a position where I would have formula fed – it all depends on the context/situation you find yourself in.

In parenting circles there tends to be a strong conviction towards ‘doing everything natural’ (eg. Natural birth, breastfeeding). If you don’t follow this ‘natural’-doctrine you are made to feel like you have failed not only as a mother but as a woman in general. For me breastfeeding was painful in the beginning and then got better, but for some people it doesn’t get better. If I had stayed in pain I would have switched to formula feeding because there’s just no point to compromise yourself to that extent simply so you can keep yourself in alignment with your idea of ‘being natural’. You’d then easily secretly start resenting breastfeeding and back chat about it and every time you feed your child that’s exactly what the child will be picking up on. Not only are you then poisoning yourself with backchat but you will resonantly alter your breast milk which will then adversely affect your baby. In your mission to ‘do good’ you end up accomplishing the reverse. [For more perspective on this point, I suggest listening to Mind, Body and Food – Quantum Systemization] Having and taking care of a baby is a drastic change to one’s life and adapting to this change does not always come easy. To insist to someone who is for example going through post-natal depression to breastfeed the baby, can push them deeper down the deep end. When you opt for formula-feeding, feeding is not tied to the mother exclusively but anyone can feed the baby and thus assist in taking care of the baby. In the beginning a feeding schedule of a newborn baby can be really hectic with little space for resting. It would then make more sense to formula feed as you can spread the load and the baby will not feed as frequently since formula is digested slower. This would then allow more space for the mother to adjust and if she wishes she can always take up breastfeeding later or do a combination for the two or stick to formula. But since the mother is mostly the primary caretaker of the baby, it is of utmost importance that the mother is stable. Insisting on breastfeeding because “it’s best for the baby” while driving a mother mad – is not in the best interest of the baby. It’s only in the best interest of sustaining your conviction.

I for instance opted for a C-section and breastfeeding – and when this was shared with people (especially nurses and doctors), I got a lot of strange looks and faces. They thought it was weird that I had opted for an ‘unnatural birth’ while opting for ‘natural feeding’. As if you either do natural birth and breastfeeding or c-section and formula-feeding. You’re either a ‘natural mom’ or an ‘unnatural mom’. I mean, that’s like a really black and white view on childrearing and parenting.

So that’s just something I wanted to share – it’s not about ‘which one is right’ or ‘which one is wrong’, but for each person to assess in self-honesty what would be best considering both the baby and the mother.

Since my ‘sidenote’ turned out rather lengthy, I will leave this as a blog on its own and continue with my story in the next post.