Saturday, March 21, 2015

Day 77: Sometimes it just Sucks – Part 2

 Continuing from Day 76: Sometimes it just Sucks – Part 1.

 I had another experience the other day where Cesar was quite frustrated as we were taking an evening stroll in an attempt to have him settle down more, where he was very upset with the teething pain and wouldn’t calm down. As we were walking and my sister was pushing the stroller while Cesar crying, I checked if there was anything at all we could do different in this moment that would make him more comfortable – which when going through our options, I could tell was not going to be an option, we simply had to walk through this. When I realise there was nothing we could do, I told my sister and told her that it ‘just sucks’ and asked her to also say it out loud. After she said it, she shared that she immediately felt a lot better about the situation we were walking through, and right after that – Cesar settled within himself and calmed down in the stroller in a matter of a few seconds.
This made me think about how we are never taught to express our discontent or frustrations as children. When we are very young and don’t yet know how to express ourselves properly, tantrums are quickly followed by things that will make us ‘shut up’ and stop just for the sake of having the tantrum ended. The reason or origin of the tantrum doesn’t get to be discussed.

At home and at school we are all too often pushed to follow instructions obediently and not too question things. This leaves no space for critical thinking and no space for discontent or frustrations to be expressed. We are only allowed to say good things and give praise under the guise that doing otherwise would be ‘impolite’. So at least we are aware that things aren’t perfect, but we’re not allowed to express it.

Anyway, this led me to play more with expressing frustration on Cesar’s behalf and playing with different words and sounds – and even made a swear-song on teething, accompanied with hitting on tin boxes – which Cesar enjoyed very much. And I will definitely be keeping this dimension on mind when assisting Cesar in building his vocabulary and specifying how he can express himself.


Sunday, March 8, 2015

Day 76: Sometimes it just Sucks – Part 1

I had a few unpleasant days behind me recently, which went from bad to worse.

Whenever Cesar is in a mood where he is for instance particularly fussy or irritable, I will check where and when I can specify my application towards him and check if any of the adjustments/changes bring forth any changes in his behaviour or attitude.

After the first day of adjusting some points, I thought I had worked out a ‘good formula’ that seemed to get some positive feedback from Cesar. The next day I reminded myself of the points I needed to be aware of that had yielded successful results the previous day – but this day, there seemed to be no response whatsoever! So I tried different things, different approaches, different types of participation – nothing was making a change! So here, I was getting a bit anxious and frustrated – where whatever I did, Cesar was ‘unhappy’ and I was running in circles inside my head trying to figure out what point I was maybe missing. Next day – same story, and the reactions inside myself were accumulating as I was expecting Cesar’s demeanour to change as I tested out different things.

By the time it was evening I was quite fed up where the reactions had reached a boiling point. I was chatting with my partner who was enquiring about my day and how things are going with Cesar – where I just went ‘It all just fucking sucks’. And after saying that – everything just became crystal clear and quiet within myself. Like all the puzzle pieces just floated down into place and all tension was gone.

Now, one point I haven’t mentioned yet is that Cesar started going through a rough teething patch while all of this was playing out. While I was participating and interacting with Cesar throughout my days, I was expecting to be able to prevent consequence from playing out in terms of him being irritable as a consequence coming from my part.

When he kept being irritable, I just didn’t get it – didn’t get what I was missing, what more I could do. When I told my partner that “it all just sucks” – I realised that it was just that. I can prevent consequence to a point, but the point of consequence Cesar was going through was already manifested consequence – where the whole design of babies and teething is already a ‘done deal’ and is simply something -- which sucks – that we unfortunately have to walk through, and at this point is not something that can just be turned around in a jif.

To be continued

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