Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Day 47: Looking Back: Motherhood Paranoia




7 years ago or so, when I had just encountered the Desteni material – I had made a point of it to go through all the various articles and writings on the website. One of these, was Veno’s Self-Forgiveness on the Female Ego.

I remember reading through the Self-Forgiveness and not seeing how the points he took on were specific to the Female Ego. I felt like it ‘didn’t resonate with me at all’ but printed the Self Forgiveness out anyway and read it out loud for myself. Yet, the points that Veno outlined in the Self-Forgiveness, are exactly the points that I came across within myself when I was digging out this ‘one little thought’ and exploring how it was rooted within myself.

So I found it quite interesting to see how so many years ago, I couldn’t see or recognize the relevance of this particular Self Forgiveness, thinking it doesn’t really apply to me – and how now after going through a whole journey of process points within myself, with different events unfolding in my life – I have now come back to this point and now all of a sudden: I can see.

I have been reading some more of the old material and listening to some old interviews, and find it fascinating how I am seeing, hearing and reading things that I had never seen before. Where: the information that is being presented is still the exact same as x-amount of years ago, but ‘Who I Am’ as the information that I contain has changed – which has allowed me to now actually really read, hear and see what is actually being shared.

With a lot of the material I remember that back then, I was confused about what was being said, thought that Bernard spoke in riddles and that both him and the Dimensional Beings were too vague and abstract in how they conveyed things. Looking back now at the same information, I can see how what was being said and presented was actually the most simple and direct way of expressing and conveying a point – but my vocabulary at that stage was so biased, so misinformed and energetically charged that I seriously had no idea what the hell was being said, but only could establish that it ‘kind of sounded cool’ and went with my own interpretation of the words. My mind couldn’t comprehend the simplicity, the straightforwardness – it immediately took every word, every sentence and took it to complexity to the greatest extent that it could – and within that, completely deranging the message.

And now, where over all these years, in exploring our own mind points and sharing what we have learnt from ourselves and others, have established a ginormous body of material, having explained every point in every possible way to the greatest extent.

And this is quite cool, because by going far and wide and everyone sharing perspectives in their own words, there’s a greater chance of some information getting through someone’s mind which may escape the bias filter, allowing one to see and hear the message. Where the message was initially shared from the greatest form of simplicity to then have entered a stage of the widest extent of specificity and intrinsicality – to now again, be boiled down to simplicity as the information is now been properly grasped and digested so that it can be grounded and lived within practicality.

So it is quite interesting to see how for the most part, the process I have been walking for the past 7 years has been one of clarifying things for myself, removing unnecessary information and re-aligning my vocabulary to the point where I am now going: Aaaah, I can see – and where within being able to see and actually comprehend the extent of the Desteni message, the journey to really start living and applying it, is really only now commencing. It’s quite humbling to see the actual extent of disinformation that was existent within me. When I started the Desteni Process, I thought that I ‘got it’ – but really all I had gotten was my own version/interpretation of the Desteni Message, where I was really actually walking ‘Leila’s Desteni Message’ as a warped/twisted version of the actual Desteni Message made to fit in with my own view and perception of things. And where now, after many years of walking, I am starting to *just* touch on what the Desteni Message actually means, what it actually implies.

So looking back in time where I first read Veno’s Self Forgiveness to now where I actually ‘get it’ – I can see how so much as happened and yet how at the same time very little happened. Little happened in terms of my physical reality and physical application and living, yet I can see how tons happened inside myself in terms of just sorting, moving and getting rid of all the ‘junk’ information inside myself so that I can have a peek at what it actually means to live in the simplicity of the Desteni Message. It really puts into perspective the scope of the problem we are facing, but also that as long as we walk the solution and keep walking: eventually we will get there, and eventually we will live in a World that’s Best for All. All we have to do is make sure we walk our utmost potential, so we can manifest it sooner rather than later.

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