Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Day 72: What’s the Best Setup to Raise your Child? | Parenting Stigmas

In the world of parenting, everyone has their own opinion and idea of ‘what is right’ and ‘how things should be done’. There’s a tendency to impose what worked for oneself, to be ‘how things should be done’ for everyone – and to not take into consideration each individual contexts.

One of the points that gets debated a lot is the topic of ‘co-sleeping’. Co-sleeping is where the baby or child sleeps with the parents in the same bed or has a little attachment to the parents’ bed in which he/she sleeps.

The main points of concern that get brought up against this ‘practice’ (up until the 19th century, this was done pretty much all over the world) is that it is unsafe for the baby and that it will create an emotionally dependent child.

In terms of safety, sure there are some practical physical points one needs to take into consideration when co-sleeping. The main reason why it is seen as a safety is issue is because of the possibility of the parent(s) rolling over their baby and suffocating it. This is abnormal behaviour and happens when people live an extreme lifestyle in terms of drugs, drinking and over-exertion leading to exhaustion. In those cases, obviously one should not sleep with one’s child because your normal senses of awareness will be absent.

When I started sleeping with Cesar in our bed, I made the decision to fall asleep in the position I went to sleep in – and to wake up and move; if I wanted to move – and to wake up at the slightest notion of him moving/making sound.

In the past year I have not once rolled over him or suffocated him. I have however been kicked in the face by his baby legs some mornings and have him crawl and roll over myself and my partner, so parent safety is not guaranteed. We were fine after each incident lol.

In terms of the topic of emotional dependency, what is quite interesting is that most people place the focus on physical methods, practices and techniques as the source/origin point of emotional imbalance within children. So for instance with the point of co-sleeping ‘co-sleeping creates an emotionally dependent child and promotes separation anxiety’ and ‘sleeping alone creates independence’ – where ‘what you do’ determines the outcome for your child. Little attention is given to who the parents are in terms of their own inner stability, balance and well-being.

Can a child that co-sleeps become emotionally unbalanced? Yes
Can a child that co-sleeps become emotionally independent? Yes

And same goes for a child that sleeps alone.

For the greatest part, it won’t be the actual physical setting that determines how the child develops, but the mental state of the parents' minds.

A mother can insist on sleeping with her child because she’s very anxious and worried that anything might happen to her in her crib/in a separate room and that she won’t notice – and so within co-sleeping, being able to keep a very close eye on the baby, even if it means very little sleep to herself.

In such a case, it’s not unlikely for the child to develop an emotional imbalance as the mother’s starting point for co-sleeping was within emotional imbalance – and this state of mind would then transfer and imprint unto the child who then creates a connection between ‘sleeping with mom’ and ‘safety/anxiety’.

The same child could grow up with a mother who decides to co-sleep simply because it is easier to respond to the child’s need when they are close by, not because she fears that something ‘might happen’ to the child. In this case, the mother’s starting point for co-sleeping is that she wants to tend to the child’s needs as best as possible. The child is then likely to develop emotionally well-balanced because he/she knows he/she is in an environment in which her/his needs are attended to.

Another aspect is that these decisions are often looked up as having an absolute impact on one’s child – while there are actually many dimensions involved in bringing up a child. Only one’s sleeping arrangement and who one is within that will not ensure that you have an imbalanced or balanced child. A parent could be confident and hands-on within the point of sleeping, but face reactions and uncertainties with regards to food and how this may or may not impact the child’s health. If these anxieties are intense enough, your child may still develop emotionally unstable whether your sleeping arrangements are ‘in place’ or not. What will determine a child’s future is not what happens within a single aspect of life but is about the whole life experience, and this takes place within every moment, within every breath. There’s no checklist of points you can simply ‘tick off’ in terms of the things you have in place for your child that will ensure an independent, stable, confident, well-balanced child and that the rest will just take care of itself.

It takes a constant nurturing, attentiveness and responsiveness from the parent towards the child, as well as to themselves to ensure that they are the walking and living embodiment of the values and principles they want their children to live by.

So to only look at what parents do in terms of certain arrangements in their household, is a poor measure or indication of how the child is being supported in their personal development and potential; only reflecting back the limited scope in which we are trained to evaluate things in life for ourselves.

Like us on Facebook

Powered by Blogger.

Follow by Email

Popular Posts

Tags

6 month old abstract acceptance acid acid reflux actions adult advantage advertisement advice africa allopathic ancestry Android anger management angry animal kingdom animals annabrixthomsen anticipation anxiety anxious apathy apgar score application approval art of motherhood asset association associations attention atypical authority awareness babies baby baby blues baby economicus baby won't sleep baby. child babyblues backchat bad bad news ball barriers basic income becoming like my mother behavior Belgium belief beliefs bernardpoolman best for all best friend best intentions betrayal bi bias big biology birds birth birthing bleeding blogging body books bpm brainwashing break break down breastfeeding breastmilk build trust burden burnout c-section caesarean section calm down camp cannot change care cats cause cesar change changing character characteristics child child development Child support Childbirth childhood children chill choice choices choke choking christmas city city life class cleaning clone co-sleeping cold colic commitment comparison competition compromise concern concerned conditioning conflict connotation conscious consequence consequences consumerism control cooperation copy copy paste cracked cravings crazy cream Creation creativity creator crisis criticism crossing over Crucifixion of Jesus cruel crying crying emotional cultural differences culture cure curiosity dairy debt decision declaration define definition delusion demanding dependent depression design desire desteni desteni farm development developmental milestones diaper change diaper changing diapering digestive system dimensions DIP direction dirt disasppointment discipline discomfort discontent disgust disruptive distract distraction disturbance doctor doctors dogma dogs dream driving me nuts dues duty eagle Earth echo education emergency emotional well-being energy enjoyment enrichment eqafe eqaulmoney equality equalmoney europe example exams excuse excuses exhausted exhaustion expand expansion expect expecting expensive Experience explore expression failed failure fairness fairytail Family family life fantasy Farm farm life father fatherhood fear fear of making mistake Fear of Missing Out feeding feel good female ego Fetus fight financial security first time mother flashback Fomo forced Forgiveness formality formula foster free time freedom frequent frustrated frustration fun fussy future gender genealogy generation generations genious gerd germs gift gifts gifts from animals giving up going crazy google grounding grow growing growth guidance happy hard hate healing Health heart beat heaven heaven on earth help help me helping hide high tech history holding back holistic living hollywood Home home environment homeopathy homeschooling hormones Horse horses hospital howard zinn Human Human breast milk human nature human rights humanity hunger games husband hygiene hyperactive hypocrite icequeen ideas ignorant illness illusion immunization impossible inconvenient incubator inductive control indulgence industry inequality inexperienced Infant Infant formula information innate innocence insane insecure insight insights instruction integration integrity intelligence intelligent design intense internalize internet intimacy investigate iPhone irritable isolated jealousy job joints journey justification justifications kid know it all knowledge labour language latch late Learning lessons lie life life coaching life lessons lifestyle lig ligaments limitation limitations lineage little mermaid live for children live through children living for others living income guaranteed living through others living words log magic make the best mama manipulation media medicine memories mercola milk mind mind consciousness system mistake moment to moment money morality morning sickness mother mother earth mother matrix motherhood motherhood paranoia movies must mysophobia naked naps National Vaccine Information Center natural Natural Horsemanship natural learning ability nature nausea negative new new baby new mother newborn news night change night feeds no choice no questions no time noam chomsky noise non-stop normal not fair nursing nurturing ob gyn obedience obey offspring omniscient on the go oneness opinions osho pain palevsky paranoia paraphernalia parennting parent parental leave parenthood parenting Parenting & Fairness parents parrots past pattern people's history of the united states perception perfection periods persist pets physical Physical body picture perfect play playful playfulness playground point poison positive positive parenting positive thinking postnatal postpartum postpartum depression postponement potential powder Practical Parenting preconceived ideas pregancy pregnancy pregnant pride principle principled parenting prison privileges probiotics problem process procreation products programming psychology puke purification purity purpose quantum quantum mind race rage rat react reaction reactions reading reality realtime reason record redefining words reflection reflux regret relationship relationships relax relaxin remove repulsed research resent resist resistance resonance respect responsibility rest reward Rhythm right righteousness risk role sand sandpit santa claus scan school screaming screeching seed self appreciation self control self defeat self development self forgiveness self growth self improvement self interest self limitation self limitations self love Self Pity self-change self-empowerment self-expression self-forgiveness self-growth self-help self-honesty self-improvement selfish sensitive separation anxiety settle sex sexuality shame shock siblings signs silent reflux simplicity sins of fathers sleep sleeping sleepless nights slow life smile solution soothe soothing South Africa speech spit up stay at home mom stigmas stomach stress struggle stubborn style subconscious sucks sucks ass suffering suit sunettespies support surgery survival Survivalism survivor swear sweets system taboo take back tame tantrum tantrums teaching teamlife teamlikfe teething Tempo testing kit thinking Thought thoughts throw up time time off tired tiredness toddler toddlerhood toddlers too much torture tough toxic toy toys trade transformation trauma travel travelling treatment treats trust truth tv typical ultra sound unchangeable unconscious unexpected unfair unicorn unnatural unpleasant unstable untruth upbringing update useleless useless utmost potential Vaccination value values veno violation virtual vocabulary vomit vomiting walking example want wanting to be right weak digestive system weight what is it like to have a baby whine whining who you are why wife wild winged word definition words work working mom worry worth writing wrong

Followers

Subscribe and Follow

recent posts

Follow on Bloglovin

footer social

Heaven's journey to life
Heaven's journey to life
Creation's journey to life
Earth
Earth
Instagram

SUBSCRIBE

SUBSCRIBE

Instagram