Journey to a New Life

Before sharing some Self Forgiveness on the points from my previous blog, I want to share some more points in terms of how I have been experiencing myself in the past few weeks.

What I first noticed was feeling nauseous/sick from time to time -- this was also before we knew I was pregnant, but then I thought that this had to do with my periods 'coming any time now' lol. Then I kind of noticed a heightened sense of smell, but while we were still in the dark in terms of whether my cycle was just weird or whether I was pregnant -- I kind of dismissed it as 'coincidence'. As time progressed the things started even smelling different. All of a sudden the smell of someone smoking was absolutely disgusting, some cleaning products made me (and still do) want to puke almost instantaneously. I have been craving a lot of biltong and avocado and now recently apples as well.

I'm also a lot more tired. Where I used to go to sleep around 12 to 1
-- I am now finding myself falling asleep as early as 9. The first part of my day is pretty active in terms of waking up at 6, cleaning the stables, exercising Charlie for a short bit, taking the horses to the neighbours', working outside and then doing cleaning in the house.
So on average I get to sit down around 11AM or 12 if I have lunch first -- and my body is a lot more exhausted then it used to be around that time.

I'm also experiencing some emotional changes lol. I am finding myself in tears more often at seemingly small things. Like, on the farm chicken babies and ducks disappear often, and many times on the first day they go out in the world. Maite and LJ had been keeping a duckling and a chick in their room because they were weak when they were small.
They started letting the chick and duckling out as they were bigger now and one day the chick disappeared. Usually when I hear this type of news I let out a sigh, like 'not again' and then just move on. This time I had tears welling up in my eyes which was a surprise.

Then there was a movie but I can't remember which one where I had to cry. And then the one day as I was playing with the Parrots I had to cry. I was looking at their cute little faces and how they were just being their cute and innocent selves and then I looked at the state of the world and what we have done to the Earth and all the being within it and how it’s just not fair for these cute, innocent parrots to live in this horrible world and I cried and I cried lol.

I'm also finding myself being irritated and annoyed quicker, like it just rushes over me and it is like almost an 'alien' experience because I usually never experience it so rapidly and overwhelming.

So overall the whole pregnancy experience hasn't been so great in terms of the tiredness and nausea, though I am managing and adapting, finding which foods help for what physical discomfort, taking a rest when I need to, getting as much done when I do feel fine lol. That point has been cool in a way, in terms of not knowing how I am going to feel so I have to in every moment do what I can and also having to be more in tune with my body to keep myself comfortable.