Sunday, July 13, 2014

Day 42: Losing Touch with Reality, Losing Touch with your Child | Motherhood Paranoia

In my previous blog I talked about how little we are aware of the implications and repercussions from participating in a singular thought.

The thought pattern that I am specifically looking at so far in this series, is about comparing one’s child/baby to the timeline of developmental milestones, and from there creating either an emotion or feeling response which becomes part of how you view and participate with your child/baby.

Here, the first ‘level’ of mind interference that I noted was the either negative or positive energetic experience that came up, and that this now in part formed the ‘lens’ through which I would start looking at my baby. Initially, when this point the first time arose, it wasn’t even noticeable, but then as it started coming up more it became more and more apparent. It was apparent that ‘something’ was going on, because I wasn’t necessarily having the thoughts, but just the memory of the experience. Then as it would occur more, it was as if the experience started to solidify more and more – to the point where I actually experienced myself being claustrophobic, where I felt this experience ‘closing in on me’ – and that’s when I knew for sure that something’s up and it’s not cool. Because each time I would look at my baby, these nagging feeling was here. I couldn’t just be here, sit with him, play with him, watch him – without this experience pushing itself into the picture.

So when looking at the point of comparing my baby’s development to the ‘standards’, I noticed that a point of value assessment came in, terms of ‘how well does my baby do compared to the standards’, ‘what value does my baby have in terms of the standards’.

What is quite funny is that I always disliked being valued through things like ‘grades’ at school. Though in that moment of looking at my own baby, I could see how easily such a pattern develops and becomes permanently engrained. Because in a way, I was translating the ‘developmental milestones’ into grades as well, and then looking at ‘how well my baby scores’. Then depending on how I was interpreting my baby’s behaviour and translating it into a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ score – this in turn would determine my experience and attitude towards my baby.

This was obviously not cool as this completely warped my presence and relationship towards my baby, where I was already categorising and compartmentalizing him in my mind, removing myself from him further and further as I was less and less dealing with him as who he was, as a being here, just naturally developing himself – but with a mental projection of mine pasted over him.

And this is just one point, one thought – and yet how I could see it influence me and how I was changing towards my baby was just frightening.

The experience wasn’t ‘overwhelming’ or ‘really intense’ – but since I could notice it, and since he’s only a few months old (back then), I could see that if I let this slide, and he grows older, and more and more points emerge: I would slowly but surely lose touch with reality and lose touch with my own baby/child as I would become more and more enthralled by my mind-reality instead of physical reality.

To be continued


Post a Comment

Like us on Facebook

Powered by Blogger.

Follow by Email

Popular Posts


6 month old abstract acceptance acid acid reflux actions adult advantage advertisement advice africa allopathic ancestry Android anger management angry animal kingdom animals annabrixthomsen anticipation anxiety anxious apathy apgar score application approval art of motherhood asset association associations attention atypical authority awareness babies baby baby blues baby economicus baby won't sleep baby. child babyblues backchat bad bad news ball barriers basic income becoming like my mother behavior Belgium belief beliefs bernardpoolman best for all best friend best intentions betrayal bi bias big biology birds birth birthing bleeding blogging body books bpm brainwashing break break down breastfeeding breastmilk build trust burden burnout c-section caesarean section calm down camp cannot change care cats cause cesar change changing character characteristics child child development Child support Childbirth childhood children chill choice choices choke choking christmas city city life class cleaning clone co-sleeping cold colic commitment comparison competition compromise concern concerned conditioning conflict connotation conscious consequence consequences consumerism control cooperation copy copy paste cracked cravings crazy cream Creation creativity creator crisis criticism crossing over Crucifixion of Jesus cruel crying crying emotional cultural differences culture cure curiosity dairy debt decision declaration define definition delusion demanding dependent depression design desire desteni desteni farm development developmental milestones diaper change diaper changing diapering digestive system dimensions DIP direction dirt disasppointment discipline discomfort discontent disgust disruptive distract distraction disturbance doctor doctors dogma dogs dream driving me nuts dues duty eagle Earth echo education emergency emotional well-being energy enjoyment enrichment eqafe eqaulmoney equality equalmoney europe example exams excuse excuses exhausted exhaustion expand expansion expect expecting expensive Experience explore expression failed failure fairness fairytail Family family life fantasy Farm farm life father fatherhood fear fear of making mistake Fear of Missing Out feeding feel good female ego Fetus fight financial security first time mother flashback Fomo forced Forgiveness formality formula foster free time freedom frequent frustrated frustration fun fussy future gender genealogy generation generations genious gerd germs gift gifts gifts from animals giving up going crazy google grounding grow growing growth guidance happy hard hate healing Health heart beat heaven heaven on earth help help me helping hide high tech history holding back holistic living hollywood Home home environment homeopathy homeschooling hormones Horse horses hospital howard zinn Human Human breast milk human nature human rights humanity hunger games husband hygiene hyperactive hypocrite icequeen ideas ignorant illness illusion immunization impossible inconvenient incubator inductive control indulgence industry inequality inexperienced Infant Infant formula information innate innocence insane insecure insight insights instruction integration integrity intelligence intelligent design intense internalize internet intimacy investigate iPhone irritable isolated jealousy job joints journey justification justifications kid know it all knowledge labour language latch late Learning lessons lie life life coaching life lessons lifestyle lig ligaments limitation limitations lineage little mermaid live for children live through children living for others living income guaranteed living through others living words log magic make the best mama manipulation media medicine memories mercola milk mind mind consciousness system mistake moment to moment money morality morning sickness mother mother earth mother matrix motherhood motherhood paranoia movies must mysophobia naked naps National Vaccine Information Center natural Natural Horsemanship natural learning ability nature nausea negative new new baby new mother newborn news night change night feeds no choice no questions no time noam chomsky noise non-stop normal not fair nursing nurturing ob gyn obedience obey offspring omniscient on the go oneness opinions osho pain palevsky paranoia paraphernalia parennting parent parental leave parenthood parenting Parenting & Fairness parents parrots past pattern people's history of the united states perception perfection periods persist pets physical Physical body picture perfect play playful playfulness playground point poison positive positive parenting positive thinking postnatal postpartum postpartum depression postponement potential powder Practical Parenting preconceived ideas pregancy pregnancy pregnant pride principle principled parenting prison privileges probiotics problem process procreation products programming psychology puke purification purity purpose quantum quantum mind race rage rat react reaction reactions reading reality realtime reason record redefining words reflection reflux regret relationship relationships relax relaxin remove repulsed research resent resist resistance resonance respect responsibility rest reward Rhythm right righteousness risk role sand sandpit santa claus scan school screaming screeching seed self appreciation self control self defeat self development self forgiveness self growth self improvement self interest self limitation self limitations self love Self Pity self-change self-empowerment self-expression self-forgiveness self-growth self-help self-honesty self-improvement selfish sensitive separation anxiety settle sex sexuality shame shock siblings signs silent reflux simplicity sins of fathers sleep sleeping sleepless nights slow life smile solution soothe soothing South Africa speech spit up stay at home mom stigmas stomach stress struggle stubborn style subconscious sucks sucks ass suffering suit sunettespies support surgery survival Survivalism survivor swear sweets system taboo take back tame tantrum tantrums teaching teamlife teamlikfe teething Tempo testing kit thinking Thought thoughts throw up time time off tired tiredness toddler toddlerhood toddlers too much torture tough toxic toy toys trade transformation trauma travel travelling treatment treats trust truth tv typical ultra sound unchangeable unconscious unexpected unfair unicorn unnatural unpleasant unstable untruth upbringing update useleless useless utmost potential Vaccination value values veno violation virtual vocabulary vomit vomiting walking example want wanting to be right weak digestive system weight what is it like to have a baby whine whining who you are why wife wild winged word definition words work working mom worry worth writing wrong


Subscribe and Follow

recent posts

Follow on Bloglovin

footer social

Heaven's journey to life
Heaven's journey to life
Creation's journey to life