Thursday, July 18, 2013

Day 28: How to Best Raise your Child: Threats, Blackmail and Bullying

parentsbullying I was reading another article the other day in one of the baby / parenting magazines that we got. The article was about disciplining your child through teaching it self-discipline. I thought “Ok, let’s check this out”.

So then the article starts talking about how important it is to inform your child when your child is faced with particular decisions in life. With this they meant that you should always explain to your child what their choices consist of and explain the consequences of each one of those decisions. Like that, your child is able to make an informed decision and is empowered to take self-responsibility for the outflow of their actions. I was like “Oh my god, someone’s actually making sense in this magazine, let me continue reading”.
So now that they explained kind of the ‘background’ behind their ‘method’, they go on giving an example of how you should practically implement this point, where you as the parent explain the consequences of the choices your child makes. The event they are using to demonstrate their example is that of your child about to draw on the wall. So here it goes, this is how you can teach your child, common sense reasoning, self-responsibility and empower them – ready? :”If you draw on the wall” (=choice) –> “You will not get cake” (= consequence).


How is the existence and presence of a piece of cake – physically, intrinsically linked to the physical existence of a wall and the action of drawing on it – that makes it so that the moment you draw on the wall, you can be assured that there won’t be any cake around for you. How the hell does that work? How is that consequence? That’s not consequence, that’s you blackmailing your child and you don’t even have the guts to do it straight out – no, you do it in a way where the child will think that HE is responsible for setting into motion these events by drawing on the wall. That’s so absolutely mean!!!
I mean, explaining consequence to child in terms of the choices they make, should be explaining how if they do A, then B will happen as a direct consequence (and not one you’ve just conjured up to suit yourself), where this consequence is absolute in every way. Because obviously by the time your 20 and you draw on your wall and you put out a piece of cake on the table for yourself, and you draw on that wall and keep your eyes on the cake – you will see that it does not disappear or ‘go away’ in any way whatsoever. That’s because ‘there’s not going to be cake if you draw on the wall’ is not real consequence, it’s just your parents threatening you while upholding the illusion that you ‘have a choice’. Sure, VERY empowering.

And then we get surprised that our children to bad in school and have a hard time developing critical reasoning skills. Well obviously – I mean, if you teach them that ‘1 + 1 = banana’ (yes, that’s right ‘banana’, not even a NUMBER), how do you expect them to get stuff that is actually supposed to make sense? Did you really ‘inform’ your child when you said that ‘he will not get cake if he draws on the wall’? Did the child just learn anything about the consequences of drawing on a wall and what such decision entails within its implications? No! Because all your child knows, is that somehow, by some godly divine power that does not have to make sense – he will not get cake. He doesn’t get to learn for instance, that if you draw on a wall,that that drawing will stay on it , until you clean it up.  So you either have to be okay with the drawing being on the wall forever or you got to clean it up. Then of course you also have to consider the other people living in the house with that particular wall and if they are okay with the drawing staying on their forever, so you gotta check that as well before you decide to draw on the wall, unless you know you’re going to clean it up afterwards.

Consequence would be, where if you don’t feed your pet bunny and give him clean water, that his physical body is going to deteriorate as it cannot support itself and the bunny will die.  That is consequence, that is if A then B and there’s no way around it.

If you tell your child ‘no cake’ if you draw on the wall, you are in NO WAY informing your child or putting them in a ‘power position’. Your child has no freaking clue as to why he for instance should or shouldn’t draw on the wall, and he’s got no freaking clue as to how the cake magically disappears if he would draw on the wall. All you are “informing” your child about – is that it’s in the child’s best interest to ‘not do things my mommy and daddy don’t want me to do', because if I do, they will do something to me that I don’t want them to do’. But did he learn anything about drawing on walls? Nope – nothing.

So now obviously if you’re going to practice this little method over and over again, you get a child that has no common sense reasoning skills because he has been taught to accept absurd claims by his parents, and will thus be ineffective in physical reality because he has never been taught to only stick to principles that make sense like 1 + 1 = 2 and the laws of physics (which does not include cakes disappearing if you draw on a wall). On top of that, you get an obedient future citizen who will not question those in power as your mom and dad have clearly shown you that those in power positions do not have to make sense, all you gotta do is listen and do as is expected of you.

Here’s another good one, in terms of ‘how to grab your child’s attention’ when you want to explain him something: use big words. Use words, that sound big and intelligent and that they don’t understand: works every to get their attention!!!

What the hell, seriously? Play the big smarty ass adult who knows big words that you don’t? Do you know what you’re doing to your child? Do you understand that you’re trying to make them feel like dumb little shits that are inferior to you in every way just to ‘grab their attention’ and ‘make them listen’? Do you understand how this affects how they view themselves and all their future relationships in this world and how this will affect their information processing skills just because you think it’s okay to use BIG WORDS as a fear tactic – where they will forevermore feel inadequate and inferior towards words they don’t understand just because you were actually inadequate as a parent? Where in your inadequacy you resorted to manipulation as threats, black mailing your child and bullying them with big words to get them to behave how you want them to?

These type of articles should NOT be appearing in parenting magazines. This type of manipulative BS under the name of ‘good advice’ should simply be ILLEGAL as this is dangerous shit. I mean, you’re busy creating the future, busy creating the future generations of this world – and what they will know is what you teach them. And if you teach them deception, lies and abusive behaviour – then that is what you will get in return. No wonder that the world is in such a mess today – if after so many centuries of ‘evolution’ this is the parenting advice we come up with.

To get some real perspective, I suggest you rather invest in the Parenting: Perfecting the Human Race Series on EQAFE to get an understanding of how you can best assist and support yourself and your child to become the best possible version of themselves.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Like us on Facebook

Powered by Blogger.

Follow by Email

Popular Posts


6 month old abstract acceptance acid acid reflux actions adult advantage advertisement advice africa allopathic ancestry Android anger management angry animal kingdom animals annabrixthomsen anticipation anxiety anxious apathy apgar score application approval art of motherhood asset association associations attention atypical authority awareness babies baby baby blues baby economicus baby won't sleep baby. child babyblues backchat bad bad news ball barriers basic income becoming like my mother behavior Belgium belief beliefs bernardpoolman best for all best friend best intentions betrayal bi bias big biology birds birth birthing bleeding blogging body books bpm brainwashing break break down breastfeeding breastmilk build trust burden burnout c-section caesarean section calm down camp cannot change care cats cause cesar change changing character characteristics child child development Child support Childbirth childhood children chill choice choices choke choking christmas city city life class cleaning clone co-sleeping cold colic commitment comparison competition compromise concern concerned conditioning conflict connotation conscious consequence consequences consumerism control cooperation copy copy paste cracked cravings crazy cream Creation creativity creator crisis criticism crossing over Crucifixion of Jesus cruel crying crying emotional cultural differences culture cure curiosity dairy debt decision declaration define definition delusion demanding dependent depression design desire desteni desteni farm development developmental milestones diaper change diaper changing diapering digestive system dimensions DIP direction dirt disasppointment discipline discomfort discontent disgust disruptive distract distraction disturbance doctor doctors dogma dogs dream driving me nuts dues duty eagle Earth echo education emergency emotional well-being energy enjoyment enrichment eqafe eqaulmoney equality equalmoney europe example exams excuse excuses exhausted exhaustion expand expansion expect expecting expensive Experience explore expression failed failure fairness fairytail Family family life fantasy Farm farm life father fatherhood fear fear of making mistake Fear of Missing Out feeding feel good female ego Fetus fight financial security first time mother flashback Fomo forced Forgiveness formality formula foster free time freedom frequent frustrated frustration fun fussy future gender genealogy generation generations genious gerd germs gift gifts gifts from animals giving up going crazy google grounding grow growing growth guidance happy hard hate healing Health heart beat heaven heaven on earth help help me helping hide high tech history holding back holistic living hollywood Home home environment homeopathy homeschooling hormones Horse horses hospital howard zinn Human Human breast milk human nature human rights humanity hunger games husband hygiene hyperactive hypocrite icequeen ideas ignorant illness illusion immunization impossible inconvenient incubator inductive control indulgence industry inequality inexperienced Infant Infant formula information innate innocence insane insecure insight insights instruction integration integrity intelligence intelligent design intense internalize internet intimacy investigate iPhone irritable isolated jealousy job joints journey justification justifications kid know it all knowledge labour language latch late Learning lessons lie life life coaching life lessons lifestyle lig ligaments limitation limitations lineage little mermaid live for children live through children living for others living income guaranteed living through others living words log magic make the best mama manipulation media medicine memories mercola milk mind mind consciousness system mistake moment to moment money morality morning sickness mother mother earth mother matrix motherhood motherhood paranoia movies must mysophobia naked naps National Vaccine Information Center natural Natural Horsemanship natural learning ability nature nausea negative new new baby new mother newborn news night change night feeds no choice no questions no time noam chomsky noise non-stop normal not fair nursing nurturing ob gyn obedience obey offspring omniscient on the go oneness opinions osho pain palevsky paranoia paraphernalia parennting parent parental leave parenthood parenting Parenting & Fairness parents parrots past pattern people's history of the united states perception perfection periods persist pets physical Physical body picture perfect play playful playfulness playground point poison positive positive parenting positive thinking postnatal postpartum postpartum depression postponement potential powder Practical Parenting preconceived ideas pregancy pregnancy pregnant pride principle principled parenting prison privileges probiotics problem process procreation products programming psychology puke purification purity purpose quantum quantum mind race rage rat react reaction reactions reading reality realtime reason record redefining words reflection reflux regret relationship relationships relax relaxin remove repulsed research resent resist resistance resonance respect responsibility rest reward Rhythm right righteousness risk role sand sandpit santa claus scan school screaming screeching seed self appreciation self control self defeat self development self forgiveness self growth self improvement self interest self limitation self limitations self love Self Pity self-change self-empowerment self-expression self-forgiveness self-growth self-help self-honesty self-improvement selfish sensitive separation anxiety settle sex sexuality shame shock siblings signs silent reflux simplicity sins of fathers sleep sleeping sleepless nights slow life smile solution soothe soothing South Africa speech spit up stay at home mom stigmas stomach stress struggle stubborn style subconscious sucks sucks ass suffering suit sunettespies support surgery survival Survivalism survivor swear sweets system taboo take back tame tantrum tantrums teaching teamlife teamlikfe teething Tempo testing kit thinking Thought thoughts throw up time time off tired tiredness toddler toddlerhood toddlers too much torture tough toxic toy toys trade transformation trauma travel travelling treatment treats trust truth tv typical ultra sound unchangeable unconscious unexpected unfair unicorn unnatural unpleasant unstable untruth upbringing update useleless useless utmost potential Vaccination value values veno violation virtual vocabulary vomit vomiting walking example want wanting to be right weak digestive system weight what is it like to have a baby whine whining who you are why wife wild winged word definition words work working mom worry worth writing wrong


Subscribe and Follow

recent posts

Follow on Bloglovin

footer social

Heaven's journey to life
Heaven's journey to life
Creation's journey to life