Journey to a New Life

In my previous blog I talked about how little we are aware of the implications and repercussions from participating in a singular thought.

The thought pattern that I am specifically looking at so far in this series, is about comparing one’s child/baby to the timeline of developmental milestones, and from there creating either an emotion or feeling response which becomes part of how you view and participate with your child/baby.

Here, the first ‘level’ of mind interference that I noted was the either negative or positive energetic experience that came up, and that this now in part formed the ‘lens’ through which I would start looking at my baby. Initially, when this point the first time arose, it wasn’t even noticeable, but then as it started coming up more it became more and more apparent. It was apparent that ‘something’ was going on, because I wasn’t necessarily having the thoughts, but just the memory of the experience. Then as it would occur more, it was as if the experience started to solidify more and more – to the point where I actually experienced myself being claustrophobic, where I felt this experience ‘closing in on me’ – and that’s when I knew for sure that something’s up and it’s not cool. Because each time I would look at my baby, these nagging feeling was here. I couldn’t just be here, sit with him, play with him, watch him – without this experience pushing itself into the picture.

So when looking at the point of comparing my baby’s development to the ‘standards’, I noticed that a point of value assessment came in, terms of ‘how well does my baby do compared to the standards’, ‘what value does my baby have in terms of the standards’.

What is quite funny is that I always disliked being valued through things like ‘grades’ at school. Though in that moment of looking at my own baby, I could see how easily such a pattern develops and becomes permanently engrained. Because in a way, I was translating the ‘developmental milestones’ into grades as well, and then looking at ‘how well my baby scores’. Then depending on how I was interpreting my baby’s behaviour and translating it into a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ score – this in turn would determine my experience and attitude towards my baby.

This was obviously not cool as this completely warped my presence and relationship towards my baby, where I was already categorising and compartmentalizing him in my mind, removing myself from him further and further as I was less and less dealing with him as who he was, as a being here, just naturally developing himself – but with a mental projection of mine pasted over him.

And this is just one point, one thought – and yet how I could see it influence me and how I was changing towards my baby was just frightening.

The experience wasn’t ‘overwhelming’ or ‘really intense’ – but since I could notice it, and since he’s only a few months old (back then), I could see that if I let this slide, and he grows older, and more and more points emerge: I would slowly but surely lose touch with reality and lose touch with my own baby/child as I would become more and more enthralled by my mind-reality instead of physical reality.

To be continued